yup. Here I am down at the bottom looking up through a hollowed out Pringles can. mmmm….salty. yeah. So as previously documented, the slide started with Fantasy Fest and then went down from there. Everything that was on it’s way to a habit quickly spun out of reach and into reach was my couch and poor food choices. I’m not blaming the couch though. I will never blame the couch. I love it too much. but I digress.
Where did it really all fall apart? Was it Fantasy Fest and late nights? no, not really. It was really just me and a good heaping helping of self sabotage. You see I signed up for Tri Key West on 12/1 and am scared to death. I signed up for the Sprint and it’s longer than the last one I did. The last one was the hardest thing I have ever done and this one is way more people, a different course and as I said frickin’ longer. So with the Fantasy Fest slide, I got out of training mode and let myself continue with the slide. Knowing there was no way I’d be ready, I just kept on sliding. Silly, right? but that’s me. It’s such a mental block sometimes (ok, almost all the time) that I get paralyzed and unable to take a step forward even a tiny one. I get in my own head like I’ve never been to a Spinning class and will fail miserably, or if I go for a walk or swim, I won’t get far very fast at all and then I don’t do anything. It’s ridiculous, I know but I didn’t get to be this weight without having a few mental blocks. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to weight loss and fitness. Believe me, it’s not about not knowing what to do (there’s not much I don’t know about how to lose weight), it’s about fighting demons and finding inner strength. Someday maybe I’ll share more about the mental struggle but I’m sure I’ve already bored the two of you that have read this far 🙂
What’s next? well, I’m going to go to bed. And when I wake up tomorrow, I’m going to exercise. I’m going to have a healthy breakfast smoothie and I hope those are the baby steps to get myself going again.
I know this blog is a bit of departure, don’t worry. I’ll be back to my snarky self soon enough!