Those of you on Facebook probably heard about what happened to me on Friday night. I struggled with posting about it on Facebook and I’m struggling with writing about it on this blog. It’s not about getting the “poor you, you’re awesome” comments. Though they’re appreciated, I find it embarrassing. The reason I’ve decided to blog about it is because of all the private messages I received of people who have been in the same or similar situation and found comfort in the story and really supported me. So maybe this will help some others.
Here it is: If you’ve heard it, skip to next paragraph 🙂 This is the abridged version. There’s a guy that works at the same marina as I do. We know each other and have a lot of mutual friends. Every time I would start a conversation with him, he’d just get up and walk away. I mentioned this to another friend and she was like “no way, blah, blah, blah” He heard us talking and was like “what’s up?” I said “It feels like you don’t like me and I don’t know why. And not only that you don’t like me but that you find me useless as a human being” and he said “do you really want to know why?” I said yes. He looked me up and down and said “I don’t know how anyone let’s themselves get to the point where they look like THAT”. Immediate tears. I said through my tears “you think I’m useless because I’m fat?” he said yes. Believe me, you never forget something like that. Last year, similar conversation. Then Friday night more of the same with him getting really aggressively in my face. and he’s not the only one that has said something like that to me. A person on TripAdvisor felt the need to comment on my weight while reviewing Lazy Dog, I’ve had guys tell me they’d never be with me cause I’m fat, I’ve had strangers comment on my weight. Cause there’s nothing like unsolicited advice.
My answers to these comments have ranged from total depression, to laughing it off to saying (on Friday night, finally) “I may be fat but I can lose weight, you’ll always be an asshole”. Of course with tears running down my face the impact of the last one may have lacked a bit but whatevs.
Now I keep hearing “he’s a coked out jerface” (to sum up and clean it up a bit). But that’s so not the point. It’s about having the worst things you think about yourself in your darkest moments verbalized back to you like a gut punch. Every time something like this happens, it breaks you a little bit. This one broke me big time. It’s been days of tears and anger and wanting to fight through and wanting to not leave the house. But humans are strong and it gets better all the time. I’ve gotten nothing but support and love from not only the people closest to me but also people I never ever expected to hear from. And that has all been great.
What’s the point of all of this? I really don’t know. Maybe it’s be careful of what you say to others. Maybe it’s that people can say horrible things to you but don’t let it define you. Get up, dust yourself off and be stronger than before. Which, turns out is way easier said than done. I’ve definitely vacillated between fight and curling up into a ball. I never thought I’d be bullied as an adult. Where does that even happen other than the Lifetime Movie Network? But it happened and it sounds like it happens to others. It’s like fat is the last ok prejudice to have. But again, time to get up and dust myself off and get back to training.
And then I can beat the snot of him next time.
Kathy, I saw this post on face book this morning and have thought about it all day. I feel anger towards that guy but in reality I should feeI pity for him. His ignorance must come from his own inadequacies. I follow your blog because I admire your business sense and tenacity ( I don’t have weight issues but I do have many other issues that I struggle with). Keep your chin up and carry on, those that matter will be by your side.
thanks! great perspective 🙂
We have only met you a few times if you really think about it but you are mentioned often at our home. The reason……you are lovely. This person has said what he’s said because of a weakness in him but its your strength that will and does over come his words.
thanks! I love me some Lawlors!
THERE ARE A LOT OF F IN MORONS OUT THERE. OBVIOUSLY, YOU FOUND THE KING OF THE BUNCH….
Thanks Evan! It’s a skill 😉
Hey Kathy, thank you for sharing. I too have had somebody crticize me for something I feel extremely insecure about. It has affected me for years. These people are just downright evil. Unfortunately you have to see him on a daily basis. His ignorance is obvious. Try not to give him the satisfaction of letting him know he got to you. I know, its one of those “easier said than done” circumstances…Just be yourself, fun and bubbly and professional, and he will eventually realize he is the loser here! See you soon!
Thanks Cindy! yeah, it’s really not all about him. It’s about everyone that says those things and trying to rise above!
Wow, it is amazing that this guy would allow the appearance of a person jilt his attitude about the value of someone. His loss, as we all know….you are truly a fun, inspirational, smart cookie. To choose the friends you make based on looking like, what, Lindsay Lohan? I’m sure she is all sorts of fun to hang out with. In a juvenile delinquent hanging out at jail kind of way.
I too, am fat, and not happy about it. I am my own worst critic. Not sure he’d be able to top whatever insults I throw at myself, but I am incensed that he thinks he is in any way better than you! Ha. Him=Loser. You=WINNER. By any count. Keep being awesome. Mo
Thanks for sharing 🙂 We are all all our own worst critic so it’s shocking when someone says the worst things you think about yourself. Just gotta rise above!
I have gone up and down in weight. I thought being called big-boned and sturdy were upsetting. I am shocked that an adult man has acted and actually thinks like this. It’s sick really. At least you confronted him and know the person he really is.
It’s tough Maureen, thanks for sharing. People thinks it’s ok to say things about other people’s weight. Not just him either. Crazy! Hearing about others having similar experiences helps!
I’m somewhat speechless and I also wanna punch that guy. Of course, that would require a trip to Key West. Wait…that is sounding like a better idea all the time! What would make a person SAY such a thing?!
You picked up my husband and I at Merlin Guesthouse in December for a kayak trip with Lazy Dog. In that short ride, I just thought you seemed like a really fun person. Then we learned that you’d just competed in the KW Triathalon, and I thought how awesome that was. I’m not the skinniest person myself, so I found that really inspiring. Now…if I can just find a cheap ticket to KW, I will happily come and punch that guy.
Thanks for your kind words! Come on down! no punching though 🙂
Okay…no punching. If you saw me, you’d know that I’m not much of a fighter anyway. 😉
Nobody is worthless, except maybe him, but there is worth in everyone! All kids of people and you know what? Those that think less of you because of the way you look are not worth having in your life. Like you said you can lose weight but he will always be an asshole. Stick to what you are doing and you’ll come out on top!
Thank you for writing. You are not alone. I love you bunches. Your writing helps me tremendously.